Depression for the chronically ill...

Hello there!

I was just emailing a friend who I haven't seen for a while and we have agreed to get together next week as her kids and my kids are off school. The kids can play and we can natter over coffee!! I haven't seen her for a while because she has been so down...I understand this, being chronically ill with something like Hughes is bound to have a negative impact on your mood. However, I also think that Hughes as a condition brings about depression as it affects that part of the brain with gunky blood flow...I can be very up and down with mood swings...

Treatment for depression is medication or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). I have had both and personally find the medication route works better for me.. I am sure that CBT works for people who are maybe getting over a trauma, but people who have a long term chronic complaint that ain't going away, need constant assistance to alter the chemical balance in their brains - this is my opinion only and what works best for me..

I have gone through many emotional stages of having this condition. Firstly there was the long road to discovery that I had a recognised condition...I doubted my symptoms, others doubted my symptoms, I had to deal with and get used to living with pain, I had the grief of losing the old Wendy who would dance on tables, I had the guilt of not being able to look after my own children, I had the rejection of being threatened with dismissal from work, I had to cope with hideous discrimination, lack of thought and hurtful comments. I was a wreck of self loathing for a while, I also went through a phase of feeling very sorry for myself. I was angry, sad, neglected, tired and lonely, all at different times and at different degrees. These are the symptoms of chronic depression. I would cry at the slightest emotional stress or strain of every day living, to the extend of being tearful a lot of the time and not being able to function around other people. I was quick tempered and prone to acts of violence, snappy, irritable and unreasonable. My expectation of how other people should behave changed, I was resentful of others who had their health and who could do the things that I couldn't. I started to become bitter and selfish. I really thought that I would have to live with these symptoms as they were part of having Hughes..until I got my medication right. I am not saying that it works 100% of the time, I still have my days, when the world is a tough and unfriendly place! but on the whole I have my depression in check and I am able to put things in perspective most of the time and make the most of what I have. I have also learned to live with Hughes, rather than existing because of it. I know my limitations now and I try to live within them, if I don't I get pay back time!! Usually in the form of 3/4 days of feeling absolutely awful!! Sometimes I push myself so that I can enjoy a special occasion or outing and plan for the fall out later.

It is sometimes a case of just keeping on keeping on going.... Sometimes you do need to get in your hole and think through your thoughts and not disturb the rest of the world, other times, you need to have a damn good shout at the world for giving you the misfortune of having this illness, other times, you need to just get on with it, cry in the shower, but keep taking the medication and do what you can...

Much love
Thanks for reading
Wend x x x x